Back in the Summer of 2010, I shared ten helpful, handy, oh hell likely completely useless tips and suggestions for getting through the long, boring summer TV repeat season. It’s four years later, the broadcast and cable networks are far better and giving us summer options, and…they still kind of suck. So, here’s ten more suggestions, updated for today’s times. Fine, the only thing different is I’m throwing out words like “Tumblr” and “Twitter” now instead of “Facebook.” These are in no particular order, so feel free to pick and choose any of these at your leisure.
1. Try catching up on Hawaii-Five-0. Come on, admit it, you haven’t watched since season one, and you certainly didn’t know it was banished to Fridays last season. You thought it was cancelled, right? See how many episodes you can endure before you realize the plots are the same and the sexual tension between Steve and Danny provides the only real romance on this show. It took me about two.
2. Here’s a project. Start a “messy hair off” between Benedict Cumberbatch and Jared Padalecki. For those with real nerves of steel, do it on Tumblr. Who wins? We all do.
3. Follow George Takei on Twitter. Yes, Mr. Sulu. You must follow this man. Try to read his tweets at work without laughing so hard that you get all sorts of crazy looks from those around you, and perhaps a visit from security.
It’s all fun and games till someone loses an eye. pic.twitter.com/dlFlV6Y73q
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) August 14, 2014
4. Put on America’s Got Talent, mute it, and insert your own judges’ critiques. Here’s a hint, Howard hated it, Howie loved it, and the two female judges say something random because they weren’t really watching. Realize how much you miss Piers Morgan, or how you probably gave up this show a while back for a reason.
5. For you PBS lovers, write some Downton Abbey fan fiction. Write about a ship that creates a total uproar in the fan community just to get a little action going. Lucky for you, that will be just about anyone (shooting fish in a barrel I’ll tell ya). Never seen the show? No worries, take some snippets from 50 Shades of Grey and put it in the Edwardian era. Throw in a few period natural disasters and you’re all set! Or, try to take on another PBS show, Sherlock. Avoid the slash fiction though, or TPTB will mock you in the next season (and I’ll laugh).
6. Read some “buzz” about a new fall TV show. Read the predictions for how fast these shows will be cancelled. Then go to Netflix and pick a show you’ve never seen before to adopt. Learn that binge viewing is the greatest thing ever and you can’t imagine how you lived without it before. Also learn how much it will ruin your life because you have way too many long running TV shows to catch up on. (Those 195 episodes of Supernatural aren’t watching themselves. What have you been waiting for? It’s only your life).
“Supernatural: The Sitcom” Yes really. It’s in the catalog. It’s funny as hell.
8. Create a drinking game to summer reruns on The CW. Drink every time someone says something that’s supposed to be relevant to today’s online social media and/or is a clever pop culture reference. Take a big drink when someone shows some skin or flirts. Chug every time there’s product placement for the newest electronic device. Make sure there’s a nice pillow and couch nearby, because you’ll be blitzed in less than an hour.
Not a dramatization. This puppy actually watched 45 minutes of The Vampire Diaries.
9. Rewatch Sleepy Hollow and then Google American History. Be stunned to learn things like George Washington wasn’t a supernaturalist and wasn’t buried in a secret underground tomb. However, Ichabod was right about Paul Revere and you’ve been told lies your whole life. Learn how much has been twisted for creative purposes and how you really regret now sleeping through first period history class in the 10th grade because playing Mortal Kombat past midnight the night before seemed more useful. If you’re really bored, learn how much of Reign is historical fiction (I’ll spare you, they got the names right and that’s about it. You’re welcome). Tell your children there is actually a reason now why they have to pay attention in history class. Warn them teachers will not give extra credit for unlocking the mystery of Washington’s Tomb or revealing where the Roanaoke Colony actually went.
“You do realize I’m just messing with you, right?”
10. Go outside, take a walk, ride a bike and discover, “Oh, right, its freaking summer. I should be enjoying this!” Life is beautiful, huh?
Just a month or so until the shows get back. Share your suggestions for getting through the rest of this long, cruel summer break. Or don’t, since you’re probably out there having a life. 🙂
