Yes, we all have been having the same problem. We sit down in the evening during this holiday season only to find our shows are either in repeats or on hiatus. All that’s left is hokey holiday specials, bad reality, and newschannel blowhards that still would rather listen to the sounds of their own voices than entertain other opinions. Or common sense. So, for fun, here’s ten rather unhelpful suggestions on ways to pass the time:
1. Put on a CSI repeat, mute it, and invent your own dialogue. CSI:Miami would be best if you especially have some very bad lines. If you’re in the mood to brood, go for CSI:NY. Save the double entendres for Greg and Nick on CSI.
2. Pull out your old TV on DVD classics and recall a time when TV was really bad. Challenge your friends over who can do the best “na na na na na na na…” during the slo mo of the Six Million Dollar Man. Bonus for those that can actually recreate it too. Also, Ralph and Potsie on Happy Days… gay?
3. Watch the multiple repeats of Mythbusters and pick out the plot inconsistencies.
4. Here’s something better than TV. Watching the cat lick himself. What a contortionist! I won’t speculate how he can reach his butt with his tongue like that.
5. Do your own version of Survivor in the basement. Just like the real version, clothing optional. Beware though, plenty of tension exists when you vote a family member off the “island.”
6. Unplug the TV and read a freaking book. Not on Kindle or books on tape either. Yes, this will require you to enter a library or bookstore. Document in a journal the deep anxiety you felt taking on this new adventure in your life. Hug your TV when you’re done and promise never to part again.
7. Go get a piece of foam or a sponge and recreate your own version of the TV brick. Test it out on Glenn Beck. Repeat testing for multiple days. Or weeks, whatever makes you feel better.
8. Watch PBS for a change. Don’t do it during a pledge marathon though. That might inspire you to kill someone.
9. Start your own drinking game for The Weather Channel. Be imaginative. Like drink every time a forecaster comes on with an ugly tie. Spot an Alberta clipper and you have the down the whole damned thing. We won’t even get into the mayhem that happens with snow in the Rockies.
10. Go to Twitter and start a rumor about a death on Lost. See how few are actually shocked. Move onto Heroes next. See how many actually care. Then say Chuck Bass is dying on Gossip Girl. Tally how many think that’s actually a good thing. Become Facebook friends with these people.
Hurry back TV shows! When imagination is left to the viewing public, we can actually be dangerous.